Naturally Juicy
or
Yet Another Reason Why I'd Rather Live In Europe.

I'm usually not much for "Furries," but there is something about Orangina's latest ad campaign that I really dig. It's sexy. It's downright scintillating.

Why can't we have attractive, original advertising like this in the USA?

Oh yeah. Because we're a nation of prudes. We wouldn't "get" it. Orangina's sales would plummet because the American people can't handle a visually stunning stylistic comment on the animal nature of human sexuality that also subtly lampoons modern advertising tropes. Too deep for 'em.

Thank god for the French.

This first one - for Orangina Red - is my absolute favorite. It's also the most inaccessible for an American audience:




I think I'm in love with that black panther Domina.

This commercial is brilliant. Everything from the voice acting to the expression on the pudgy businessman's face is spot on. *Cough, not that I know anything about BDSM, cough* It's funny. It's entirely memorable, with viral video potential, and the viewer remembers the product with ease. Fantastic work.



This next one is the first ad I ever saw from this particular campaign. It's made its rounds on the internet pretty thoroughly, but it deserves a re-post, for being so beautifully done. It's a joy to watch.



I love the details in the animation. The deer woman's ears prick up and wiggle with emotion. When the chameleon man kisses the flower woman, excitement causes his skin to suddenly pulse with every color of the rainbow. The lighting throughout is natural, warm, and radiant. The ad is gorgeous to look at, perfectly scripted, and full of vibrant, sexy energy. A real winner in my book.



Next, a series of ad spots under 15 seconds. I love the way that they poke fun at common themes in advertising. So meta, I just want to kiss whoever came up with them!



In just 3 days, Orangina will clear up your skin! No artificial colors or flavors!





Active bears don't always have time to shower. That's why he uses Orangina!




This one speaks for itself. Also: It's so damned refreshing to see gay men acknowledged in everyday advertising. Fuck you, America.





Orangina is her secret for silky, shiny hair.


I want to applaud the firm that came up with this campaign: Fred & Farid. Yeah, their blog is in French. I apologize to the non-francophones among us. Use Google Translate or something.

Hope you guys enjoyed. I encourage you, gentle readers, to comment.

Catsup
or
A Mell of a Hess

Very well, gentle readers. I see that you want an explanation of where I've been, and who I've been doing. Very well. For now, I shall give you the facts.

- Yes, the rumors are true. I was married to this guy Zack for a year or so.

- Zack and I divorced. He has a new life now, as well as a kid. Amazing, considering how he always told me how much he hated children. I don't have to rag on my ex husband. I'm sure his daily life is hell enough.

- I dropped out of Wash U. I wasn't enjoying my time there. Wasn't good for me. I think the stress shaved about half a decade off my life expectancy.

- I've been living by my wits and wiles ever since.

- I'll be going to mortuary college in about a year. I want to become a Mortician. This shouldn't surprise anyone.

- Las Vegas is my current base of operations.

- I'll be moving back to Saint Louis for a few months in August . . . so my friend can finish his degree.

- I feel like such a tool for facebook linking my ex husband. I want you all to know that.

- I am now an F cup. Haters can suck it. I love my big fake tits, and no one can spoil that for me. You will worship them, or get the fuck out. Ridiculous rack FOR THE WIN.

- My breasts weigh 2lbs each now. I subtract that when i weigh myself.

- My cat died. I'll do a memorial post when I can look at his pics and not cry.

- I got a new cat to fill the void. He's probably the messiest animal I've ever cared for. We nicknamed him "Puppy Cat" because he eats like a Labrador, wags his tail when pleased, and is easily 16lbs. Bigass tom cat. His name is Forest. I named him after Forest Whittaker, because he's big, black, cuddly, and has a messed-up eye. YA RLY

- Brazil nuts are loaded with selenium.

- I recently went to disneyland and rode all the thrill rides at least twice. I also proposed to Greg. Like I said, more on this later, with video.

Comments/questions are highly encouraged. I miss my old readership.

Tiger, Tiger
or
Yet Another Reason To Live In Chicago

I can't take credit for originally digging this video up. Thank Fark for that. However, this lady is the hottest mess I have seen in my short little life. I give you Miss Cheetah:



She's a really special brand of crazy - the kind that gives me a stiffy out of sheer terror. If I lived in Chicago, I would let her into my house and give her a bigass kitty-bed in my room. We'd eat Chinese food and drink the occasional "nice glass of wine" out of empty zebra skulls by the light of the savanna moon. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwww! She could even bring her "baby," Frida, the blue shorthair. I don't care that she's a single mom. I've got two kitties of my own, so she can just bring her fine ass over here, and we'll make ourselves a feline Brady Bunch.

Tell you what, though: I am NOT scooping her box. That's Alice's job.